He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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