Someone shit on the floor
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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