Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
