does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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