nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
