well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
