i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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