i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
