Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
