drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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