Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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