I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
