I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
