i need an iv and a liver transplant
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
