Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
