Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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