I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
