i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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