Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
