im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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