Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
