worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
