well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
