I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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