She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
