Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize