I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
