Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
