i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
