A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
