i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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