please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
