I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
