a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
