fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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