Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
