at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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