Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize