I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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