Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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