1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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