I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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