bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
