everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
