Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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