Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
