It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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