dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
