Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
