when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
