She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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