Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
