Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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