What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
