you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
