If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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