I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
