I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
