I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
