remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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