Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize