yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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