she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
