She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ugly people sure do ruin things
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
