so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
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His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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