Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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